Sleepless

by Line

After more or less six months in Salamanca I started to evolve a problem with sleeping and I could go to bed feeling like sleepwalking with eyelids as heavy as two giant rocks, but I didn’t fall asleep. I could lay there in bed for hours, really tired and with only a huge wish to sleep in my head. Sleep, please sleep. But it didn’t happen. Some nights I didn’t sleep at all, and the next day I would be awake and happy in the morning, a bit more sleepy during midday, really tired in the evening, and very tired at night, but still I wouldn’t fall asleep until hours were spent awake in bed with lights off and no sound to disturb. After a while I got some sleepingpills from the doctor and later on from my teacher, but they only worked in the beginning – after a while I couldn’t feel the difference anymore, in contrast of when I started on them, took one and fell asleep after five minutes snoring as hell. It was really disturbing and ruined a lot for me my last months at school, but when I quit morning-classes and only did the course for my exam it helped a bit, because then I started school at four and not early morning (the early part is up for discussion by the way). The sleepless nights continued though, and I found a new solution. I’m not proud of it, and I’m glad I managed to stop before it got out of hand, but I drank alcohol to sleep almost every night. In the beginning only one beer, or two, but after a while I needed more to be tired so I started with Vodka. I didn’t think about it being a problem at all – I was just happy being able to sleep like a baby again without having headaches or a bad stomach the day after, until one day after the exam were done when I hadn’t had alcohol for a while. I was walking around thinking, and then I realized it; If I don’t stop I’ll be an alcoholic. I don’t think it was that bad, but just the thought scared me a lot, me, on my way to alcoholism? The more I thought about it, I figured out that I didn’t only drink to sleep anymore, I drank because I had a need for alcohol. If I didn’t drink I had that weird feeling in my body that needed more. I started to get addicted, and I didn’t want to be that, so I stopped even though the sleepingproblems came back piece by piece. I started to think I could handle it in a different way, but it was still hard.

Now I can look back at this period as something I’m never going back to, and that’s why I don’t drink that much now a days (yes I’ve been lying to you people, I can drink even though I work – I’m just scared of it), so I can, gradually, get rid of the scary feeling drinking alcohol gives me at this time and actually be able to have two beers without wanting another liter.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think there is a solution. Like I told you I watched “The Secret” a few weeks ago, and after that I haven’t had troubles sleeping at all. How? You have to be positive, and trust me, I know how hard it can be but when you feel the results it just gets easier and easier. I started easy; closed my eyes during the day and watched myself sleeping like a rock when I got to bed, thought that I could do this, that it would work if I told myself it would. And the amazing part is – IT WORKS. I know there’s a lot of people out there who don’t believe in this, but it wouldn’t hurt trying would it? There’s nothing to lose, and I know that everyone deep down wanna be able to smile out of nothing, it’s human. Enough sleep makes you happier, and if you have a problem sleeping it’s gonna make you smile thinking that you can sleep whenever you want. It might take a while before the results shows up, but I want you to at least try, like I said – you have nothing to lose.

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