I know it hasn’t been my longest absence, but just to say it; my computer is not playing on my side anymore. Internet works when it wants to, and all I’ve been able to do on this thing the last couple of days has been watching Bones (waiting five minutes for an episode to start that is, this thing is dying).
2012 has started in ways I never knew was possible, but focusing more on trying to be strong as hell, it’s been pretty good. New Years Eve I spent having a lovely dinner with my family and three other families (a lot of people), and then I went to Bettina’s. We played Trivial Pursuit and I got to wake up Odin (poor thing got really scared when he realized I wasn’t mommy) and we watched the fireworks together.
I can’t describe the feeling I got when I stood there, clean sober for the first time in many years, absorbing everything. Thinking about how 2011 changed me and helped me find myself, how everything I did, learned and experienced made me get to know myself so much better. How I now know that obstacles are made to help you get to a place you yet don’t know exist, but that will make you appreciate everything so much more when you first get there. It’s not like I look at my self like the perfect person after all this, but I know my self better, and it makes everything so much easier to handle. I know how strong I’ve become, I know how I can handle things that suddenly happens in my life in a better way – because of who I am.
There’s a lot happening in my life now, a lot of thoughts, a lot of inputs, never-ending good advice, not so good advice and so on. Some of it gets to me, and it makes some days harder to go through than others. I’ve tried to think a lot about what can make hard days like that better, and focusing on good things to come is easily something that helps. Next week I have two days of work and five days to take long baths, bring my camera for a walk and being able to do exactly what I want to relax. The week after I’m going to use Isabel’s Christmas gift – 50 minutes of body massage. In 45 days I’m leaving for Canada.
You can’t live your life for other people.
You’ve got to do what’s right for you,
even if it hurts the people you love.