So, tomorrow is a “big” day for me, at least it’s pretty unrealistic. I will be 20 weeks pregnant, and my iPhone app tells me “congrats, you’re halfway through!”. I know I promised I would never make this one of those holy-shit-my-baby-pooped blogs, but I feel comfortable enough now to actually tell you something of what I’ve been going through.
I still remember the day I realized I am pregnant. To tell you the truth, it was horrible. Okay, so I never planned my life, I wanted to do this and that, but pregnant? Being a mom? Responsible for a child? I clean my hands on my pants, I talk with food in my mouth, I go past lines, I am so childish. Well, I guess that last part is okay now, we will have a lot of fun this little boy and I! I have come to a point where I am happy about it, he is starting to kick and I am finally getting a stomach that somewhat looks like a pregnant belly.
But it hasn’t been easy. I struggled for a long time with my own thoughts when people asked and said “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend?”, “wow, I would never guessed you to be pregnant”. Did you really think I thought that of myself? I know they never said it to hurt me, but it was terrible. I was crying, I was depressed, I didn’t know what to do. The worst question I get these days is “.. and the father?”. I am growing stronger, so it doesn’t affect me as much as it used to, but of course I get sad. I know it’s curiosity, but sometimes I just wish they would ask how I am before wanting to know the gossip. For those of you who read this blog; the father is the most loving guy I know. We are not together, but he is at my side when I’m crying because life sucks, when I am mad and need someone to yell at, and I know with all my heart that he will love his child more than anything in the world. Yes, I will be a single mom, but hey – when was that your business?
At this point I am finally able to be happy about what’s happening. After all, this child will come out eventually, so why be sad about it? As with every other crazy shit that’s happening in my life from time to time, I will try my hardest to make the best out of every situation. This one too. Even though my boobs are big, leaking (I know you didn’t want to read that, mwahaha), I am constantly hungry and I cry for no reason, and I worry too much – I find myself waiting for small kicks and smiling whenever I feel them.
Life; challenge accepted!