Finding out stuff about yourself
First rule of failure; don’t do what you know you must do. First rule of feeling worse; don’t do what you know will make you feel better.
So, after feeling sorry for myself all morning, I finally plugged in my boomblaster, turned the bass on max and started to tidy this mess I am currently living in. This is what I found;
” One day I met a man on the streets, he was a bit awkward and said we had met several times before, but in reality I had only talked to him for five short minutes outside our apartment. I was in no hurry, so we sat down and talked for a while. I guess he was the one keeping the conversation alive, but he told me something about myself that I will never forget. He told me that what separates me from many others, is that when I see someone smile and being happy I will probably smile to myself. If I see someone dance I will probably want to dance myself, and if I see someone cry I will probably feel compassion and be sad for them myself. He told me that he could see it in my eyes, and that people who meet me will react by smiling. I felt good about it all day, if not the whole week, and even though I don’t think about it that often anymore, it sometimes pops into my head, and then, I smile quietly to myself. ”
I had forgotten all this, but after reading it, that particular day stands out as clear as if it was yesterday. I remember my spanish was a bit rusty at that time, and he tried to make me talk more because I was nervous before my oral exam. I remember what I wore, where we were, that the market was still up and that I was a bit sad that day. I remember that I got cold because we were sitting on a bench in the shadow. Oh, how I miss it.