Feeling lonely

by Line

Somehow the weather just changed into summer, and everyone is out barbecuing, on the beach, partying or doing other nice summer activities. In all this I feel a bit forgotten, but I also feel like it’s my own fault. I haven’t really been home I guess. When I moved back in September I started working and was never reachable, and then I suddenly became pregnant and now everyone is continuing their own lives while I’m sitting here wondering what happened. Some days I feel vengeful and keep on telling myself that if they don’t want me around now, they won’t be welcome when the baby comes either, but I know I can’t keep on thinking that. It’s not actually their fault that I have been so busy all the time, but I don’t want them to think that just because I’m pregnant I can’t be invited to the beach or to a party. I don’t know what to think.

On top of all these stupid feelings, the heat is knocking me out, and even though I was prepared I never thought it would be this difficult to keep up. The thought of having to finish the apartment is also something I am struggling with, in this heat I just don’t have the energy to actually do something there, and I know I would feel so much better if it could just be finished and I could move in an stop thinking about it. There’s progress though, and with some effort the bedroom might be done today. I will feel so much better when there’s only paint left. Well well, I’ll continue forcing my brother with me to go swimming when it gets too hot.