It still hurts, you know. Just seeing your picture. If karma decides to bite back I’ll soon have a son that looks just like you. If I’m lucky he’ll be like you too – good. Great. Not perfect, but close? It is probably one of the most difficult things I have done, felt and had to go through at the same time. But I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not black sadness anymore. It’s just sad, but I can still smile of all the good memories, the stories and the fact that we’ll have a son soon. But I won’t give up. Not this time. This time I’ll move on. This time I’ll put every fiber of my body, soul and mind at it’s best to go all the way. No recurrence. Because your mouth said no, after all. Even though every fiber of you said yes.
So I turned my cellphone off, and it will stay that way for a while. Until I have stopped crying. Until I am back where you couldn’t let me go last time. Where I was so close to falling in love with someone else. And then you pushed the button, and now we are here.
No cellphone, no Facebook. Books, music and paint. Life.