To trust someone
We all trust someone, even if we don’t know how, everyone trust someone with something. But what happens when the trust is broken? And no matter how hard you try and no matter how much you need and want to trust, deep down you doubt what you before knew. What do you do then? How are you supposed to build up something like that again, when every fiber in your body is scared and afraid of the outcome?
There are only 11 days left to my “date of delivery”, and I don’t know who to bring. I know that it would be stupid to go alone, especially because I have more than one who is willing to be there for me when I need a glass of water, some food or just some comfort – but it just doesn’t feel right. The one I was going to have with me has lost my trust, and I am more than terrified about what to do. It’s everything I think about all day long, and while days are passing I get more and more afraid. What if I give him a last chance, and he fails once again? What if my gut is telling me the right thing by doubting – bring someone else?
I am scared. Scared of hospitals, first of all, but I am way past the stage of normal fear when it comes to bringing him or not. Everyday I walk around thinking “what if he’s drinking when I need him to drive?”, “what if he didn’t understand?”, “what if he’ll say the wrong thing?”. Earlier I wouldn’t have doubted him at all, and it kills me that I think like this now, but I can’t help it. I know I should give him this last chance to do it right, and to start building up something that might be like that trust again – but I am so, so scared.